You may know bits and pieces, but you can never fully know what motivates someone, what fears they face, what struggles have made them stronger and which blessings they see as curses.

What is that awful noise? It’s definitely Penelope, but I’ve never heard her make that sound before. It’s almost the noise she makes when she decides we need to wake up, cranky because we haven’t jumped right out of bed to immediately feed her. I refuse to run down the stairs, however, because I know she’s not actually in pain despite the noises that sound primal. Not in pain, but definitely upset.

As I reach the main floor, I see her perfectly poised posture at the back door as if she wants to go out, and the noises are still loud and strong. As I get close, I see motion on the other side of the glass door. The cat from the front porch is now on my back porch, engaging in a staring contest with a very unhappy Penelope.

Karma in motion. Sunday would be so happy to see her getting a taste of the same medicine she dished out to him on a regular basis.

The cat looks at me, all small and wild-looking, with a scratch on his neck and a goopy right eye.

I no longer wonder who the cat belongs to. He is on his own. No one would care for a cat and allow it to be this hungry and dirty.

I feel an immediate response internally, with a strong need to feed and care for him. He looks lost and scared, and I want to help him. Save him.

I take a step towards the door, and he bolts. He sprints across our small back yard so quickly that I almost think I imagined him on the porch. His nimble claws dig into the wood fencing, propelling him up and over and into the alley with a nimbleness that even seems to impress Penelope.

I wonder if he’ll come back. I already know I want to keep him.

Fred’s Side of the Story – 78 Days Until Capture

I live under a house. I don’t know how long I’ve been here or how I found this house. In fact, it was really tough to even find a way in under this house since there are boards all around it and the spaces are too small for me to squeeze through.

I like living under this house. It is starting to get really hot outside and it is cooler under the house. Plus, the big scary cats in the neighborhood can’t fit even through my small entrance, so at least here, I am safe. There is an opossum who seems nice and who comes around at night. I think she might be ready to have a baby. But she can’t fit under the house either, so that leaves just me. My kingdom, all to myself.

But I have to go out. I need to find food. I remember that my mother used to feed me, but I’m not sure where she is. I had a whole bunch of brothers and sisters too, but I don’t know where they are either.

That’s ok. I am fine being on my own. I only have to take care of me. And I do a pretty good job of it.

At night, when everyone in the house is asleep, I creep around and look in the windows. I wonder why anyone would live inside when they could live outside.

I know there is a cat who lives inside the house. Sometimes she is outside too. She looks at me as if she is annoyed at my presence, but I don’t know what I’ve done to offend her. I even sing to her to let her know that I would like to be friends, but she doesn’t come any closer.

Sometimes I come up to look at her through the door. She just stares at me unhappily and makes a sound back at me that doesn’t sound very friendly. Maybe I’ll just stay away from her.

I wonder if she is afraid that I will eat her food. I can see that she eats every morning and every night. Her humans give her food in little dishes. I wish I had food every morning and night. I wish I had food every day. But I do ok.

I like being alone. I really do. But sometimes it does get lonely.

I decided to go look in the door again today, just to see what I can see. This is kind of risky since it’s daylight, but I’m a little extra hungry today. The other cat is there at the door today, looking at me with those eyes that seem very unhappy to see me.

Her coat is very pretty. She is black and white and has a little black mark on her nose that looks like a heart. Why won’t she be my friend? But no. She just makes these weird noises at me.

I tried to meet her stare today, just to show her I am not afraid of her. I am so intent on this staring contest that I don’t realize that one of the humans is right there behind her. How did I not notice this? What will she do? Am I in danger?

I knew I shouldn’t have come out during the day. I just hold really still and hope she doesn’t see me.

She moved! She might be coming to get me and hurt me! I must run away fast!

I race across the yard and up and over the fence faster than ever. When I get to the alley I run quickly under another fence to a place where humans never bother me. I hide next to the fence, waiting, listening. My breathing is quick and shallow. But I don’t hear anyone following me. I think I’m safe.

Now I’m too nervous to go look for food. I think I’ll just stay here a while and wait until night. Then I can go back to my safe place under the house.

You Never Really Know Someone’s Backstory

In all my years of leadership, I have never found the right “test” for getting someone to be completely honest about why they want to work for me. I don’t mean “me” in particular, but in general. Most people who are applying for a job, want the job. They want it for their own reasons, and hopefully those reasons line up with what you need from them for the good of your company.

Nor have I found the magic recipe for getting someone to be fully honest when they are not working to their best potential. I can only create the environment where people can be truly open and honest without fear of repercussions. But I cannot make them take that leap of faith.

I also remember trying to convince people to come work for me, making it more of a sales pitch on my side. This often led to disastrous results when I hired people who were simply not the right fit. I was so desperate to find someone, anyone, that I accepted anyone who would accept my job.

In both scenarios, we enter a working situation that is off balance. Perhaps the person wants any job, not necessarily your job, and therefore they deliver subpar results. Perhaps you had high hopes for someone that they simply weren’t capable of delivering.

What does this have to do with a feral cat?

Looking back on the initial interactions with Fred, I realize now that I wanted him because of MY needs. I saw a cat in distress and wanted him to WANT me. I wanted him to immediately love me, embrace me and my family, and make me feel good about my desire to help another creature. But there are always two people (or one person, one feline) in each equation.

Now a year after finding Fred, I recognize the lesson that was in front of me right then. You can never truly know someone else’s backstory. You may know bits and pieces, but you can never fully know what motivates someone, what fears they face, what struggles have made them stronger and which blessings they see as curses.

P

Pay attention to the feelings and emotions that are emerging from everyone involved, in advance, in the moment, and after the fact.

The moment that I realized this cat was hungry, malnourished, and interested in us, my maternal instincts kicked in. I was ready to open the door and just let him in! But first instincts, with cats or people, might not be the best instincts. A good leader will act quickly, but within reason.

There are times when you want an employee to operate in a certain way and/or produce certain results, yet they are missing the mark. In those moments it is easy, as a leader, to become frustrated, or even angry, especially when coaching doesn’t seem to be working. Those emotions that we feel as leaders are important to recognize. Even positive emotions, such as liking someone personally, even though they aren’t producing your desired results, can cause challenges. Great leaders don’t suppress or ignore emotions, but they aren’t driven by or blinded by them either. Great leaders recognize that emotions are a part of the human experience. Both theirs, and the emotions of others.

PAWS Point:

When you think about your team right now, who sparks an emotional reaction in you? Who reacts emotionally, or even without emotion when emotion would be beneficial? What is the next developmental opportunity with this person that you are dreading and/or avoiding? What emotions could or should be taken into account in order to bring that development about successfully?

A

Accept that feelings, emotions, and actions are all tied to outcomes, and understand what the ultimate desired outcome is.

Even though I wanted to immediately invite this cat in and feed him, I also, thankfully, had a few seconds of clarity and realized that, despite my hard-wired instincts, I had never before invited a wild cat into my home, and I didn’t know that that would do to our relationship with Penelope. A good leader recognizes that there is a delicate balance between following your gut instinct and taking a few seconds to contemplate how actions may affect an individual and/or your whole team.

In work, once we take a moment to recognize the emotions we are experiencing in the moment, we can begin to determine the best possible course of action. Before we recognize and acknowledge the emotions, we are more likely to act upon instinct, and without clear thought. That can end in fractured relationships, damaged communications, and even less productivity. Taking the time to reflect and consider before acting, however, can lead to truly incredible outcomes.

In the case of Fred, I wanted him inside, safe and fed and immediately filled with love for me for giving him a home. My instinct was about MY wants as much as his needs.

In the case of underperforming employees, we often just want them to “do their job” and to be thankful for working for having that job. Both of those wants, however, are short-sided and unrealistic. If you don’t understand why someone is underperforming, how can you help them to actually do their job?

Perhaps they don’t know what to do. Perhaps their personal life is impacting their performance, and they are afraid of losing their job. Perhaps they really don’t care about the job at all and are just going through the motions. You can’t find out the answers if you operate on assumptions. So, knowing what your ultimate desired outcome is, paired with a desire to truly investigate the issue, allows you to provide truly personalized interactions, support, guidance, and encouragement. Or it allows you to know for sure when you don’t have the right person and gives you the path forward to moving on.

PAWS Point:

Before your need meeting or interaction with the team member you identified in the last section, take a few moments to write down all of the assumptions you are making. Make the list exhaustive, in order to get your vision clear.

W

Will yourself to reflect, and then act vs. react via instinct.

PAWS Point:

I had to slow down and think. A mother’s instinct is strong, and at that moment, I was battling the desire to save this hungry kitty with my desire to protect my own cat. Penelope didn’t seem to welcome the visit from a cat on the other side of the door. How would she feel about making this cat a member of the family?In leadership, we can also act quickly from instinct and/or emotion. Think about the last time someone missed an important deadline or produced sub-par results. Again. And this time was the one that really made you angry. You felt a flash of annoyance, of anger, and frustration. How many times do I have to go through this?In those moments you are also operating off of assumptions. And good leaders are often right about many of their assumptions, but just because you are mostly right doesn’t mean you can’t also be wrong.Unless you have a truly toxic employee, you did hire them for a reason. Or someone hired them, and you inherited them. Regardless, there has been time, money, and energy invested in them. Do you really want to throw all of that away? Or can you turn the mirror on yourself a bit and see another path?I once terminated an employee in a flash of anger, and most of my anger was because I had invested so much time and emotional energy in the person that when they made a really bad mistake, I was furious.I didn’t reflect in advance. I acted out of strong emotion. And I regretted the termination right away. What I regretted even more was the damage that did to our relationship and to her career.

Who on your team makes you a little crazy, mostly because you know they have so much potential and aren’t living up to it?

S

Study your actions and motives from a distance and be agile and open to change. Evolve your strategy to fit the individual AND the desired outcome.

As Fred ran from the porch, clearly afraid of me, I remembered a statement my husband is always saying that made me laugh for the sheer absurdity of it all in that moment. You can’t save all the puppies. He means it as a gentle reminder to me that we can only do so much. We can’t help everyone, so we have to make choices, in life and business.

Once we are able to recognize the emotions for what they truly are, we can begin to determine the best possible course of action. Before we recognize and acknowledge the emotions, we are more likely to act upon instinct, and without clear thought. That can end in fractured relationships, damaged communications, and even less productivity. Taking the time to reflect and consider before acting, however, can lead to truly incredible outcomes.

In the moment, the answers can seem so clear. Fred was skinny and hungry and at my door. Clearly, he wanted to be fed and loved! Or not. Or maybe. I couldn’t know for sure, even if my assumptions were giving me all those clues.

Let’s take this lesson to a high performing employee. Sometimes they seem so happy, and we are happy that they are doing everything we want them to. They love us! They love our company and mission! They will happily perform at that level forever!

Or will they? Sometimes our top performers don’t get the time and attention that they need because we, as leaders, are so darn happy that we don’t have to “lead” them. And yet sometimes these are the ones who not only deserve our attention, but truly need it more than some of the underperforming employees. These are the people who, once they feel underappreciated, will quietly begin to look elsewhere, and take the next great opportunity while we are so busy being happy with them.

Taking time to consider each of your team, regularly, allows you some distance and perspective. And maybe even provides you with the chance to not only keep them happy, but to give them opportunities they would love and that you might not know about yet.

Whether underperforming or overachieving, you can’t be a “one size fits all” leader. We may think that that approach used to work, but truthfully, it never did. We just ignored the challenges with it. But the leader of today and tomorrow is nimble. They are willing, constantly, to ask themselves this question. Am I the leader that each of my employees need, even when their needs are all different?

PAWS Point:

Where are you spending your time and energy? Is it used up by the lowest performers? Is it focused more on the top performers? How do you make sure to give everyone enough focus to understand what truly motivates them?